Amy Webb’s Data, A Love Story: Using algorithms and charts to game online dating.
Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It's estimated that by , 70% of us will have met our significant other online. Jan 31, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online Dating To Meet My Match, which The algorithms, statistics, charts, and lists I used to game online dating and find my . drink but contained none of the potentially dangerous alcohol. Feb 29, 11% of American adults have used an online dating site or a mobile dating app.
Then he gets married to some other girl, who has your babies with him. You have no family. You have no husband. You have no life. What kind of a fercockta name is Jay?
- Online Dating & Relationships
- “The Dangers of Online Dating” — (7 Statistics & 5 Ways to Protect Yourself)
- 15% of American Adults Have Used Online Dating Sites or Mobile Dating Apps
Just beyond my crumpled brow, I noticed a glint of foil wrapped around the neck of a wine bottle. The previous tenant had left it for me as a thank-you for helping her out of her lease. The bottle had been collecting dust for months. But after Jay, I wanted a corkscrew. I rifled through the utility drawer first, pushing aside a pile of rubber bands and some old pens to see if I could find an opener.
A lighter with a transparent green case was stuffed in the back along with a pack of matches. I looked back up at the cabinets, realizing that even if I did find a corkscrew, I no longer owned any wineglasses. Henry had kept all of them, along with most of our kitchen equipment. And anyway, most nights I either picked up dinner on the way home or met up with friends.
It was better than drinking straight out of the bottle, I figured. As I reached for it, I saw the corkscrew hiding in the very back of the cabinet. I unwrapped the foil, shoved the corkscrew into the top, and tried to pry the cork out. Why are these things so fucking difficult to open? I pushed and shoved until half of the cork broke free and plopped into the wine below.
I filled my mug halfway, stopping just beneath the third pecker, and watched bits of cork slosh around as I walked toward my patio. The pack was now a quarter empty.
I tipped it over and slid one out. I reached into my pocket for my mobile phone, dialed Hilary, lit my cigarette, and inhaled. Her fantastically amazing friends, Eric and Ralph, had slaved away cooking a lovely meal for eight sophisticated guests, who also happened to be wildly interesting and fabulous.
I heard the brush of her clothes against the phone and muffled conversations coming and going as she passed by her dinner companions. She pulled the door shut behind her. I told her all about how good he looked.
He asked the waiter thoughtful questions about espresso! You should lay off. I could hear a toilet flush, then water swirling violently in the background. Are you going to the bathroom while I tell you the tragic details of my life? They go through one after the other—they hate all of them.
Does that sound familiar? One week, we decided to re-enact the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious scene using our stuffed animals. So we rewound, listened, paused, practiced, and repeated the song over and over until we finally warped the VHS tape. Perched on the toilet, Hilary started singing as quietly as an opera singer is able: Rosy cheeks, no warts, play games, all sorts Actually, that sounds just like Eric.
He would totally wear a top hat Neither was bad data. Dating sites relied on rudimentary information. Do I want kids?
Do I prefer a specific level of education? Then the sites matched us with others who had similar data points. But in attempting to make dating sites applicable to the widest possible user base, all of the questions had been made far too generic.
I needed a comprehensive list. Just go to sleep. Eric is just about to start the second course. I grabbed a legal pad and a handful of Hi-Tec-C pens, my trusted companions in Japan. Each was a bright color with a. I picked up the remaining book of matches and bottle of wine and went back outside. I had another two hours of summer sunlight and, at this point, nothing to lose.
I sat down at my patio table, arranging the notebook and pens in front of me. I poured another mug full of wine, lit a cigarette, and inhaled deeply.
Suddenly, everything made perfect sense. How could anyone possibly look for long-term relationship potential without specifying all of the necessary traits in that person? Everyone—not just me—needed a list. I started to scribble down notes: I stared at my notebook, flicking the ashes from my cigarette. That could be anyone, I thought. I started doodling on the bottom corner of the page, drawing three-dimensional cubes, when I saw some writing a few pages deeper in the legal pad.
I flipped through and found an old grocery list from when I was still living with Henry: There was a logic to my grocery list. I always started in the produce aisle, so I began by listing the precise type of vegetable or fruit I needed, along with the variety.
If I was really making a Mary Poppins husband list, I ought to be as honest and detailed as possible. I needed to get much more granular. What did I really want? What if I was able to magically create the man of my dreams?
But why risk a half-assed husband? I would have to list every single possible trait I could imagine. He has to be a little smarter than me, and outwit me some of the time. He should have the kind of mind that hears something once and remembers it forever. Someone with an acerbic, intellectual wit: Larry David created and writes Curb Your Enthusiasm, and along with Jerry Seinfeld also co-created the Seinfeld TV series, launching a whole new genre of observational comedy.
5 facts about online dating
His Anchorman was hilarious because it was so true. So your basic pantheon of Jewish comedians. Plus Steve Martin, whose New Yorker essays and novellas are wry and clever. Steve Martin and the Jews. I need someone who was raised in a Jewish household.
He has to understand all the inside jokes and have the same set of shared experiences. It will be too difficult for me to fake a belief in God. I know it may be a rare breed, but he must be a cultural, emotional, linguistic, intellectual, gastronomic, nonreligious Jew. Between 5-foot and 6-foot I felt my cheeks and the skin on my throat starting to burn. Could I be this picky? Was it fair to be this demanding?
Henry was very attractive. I was smitten the moment he turned around at the airport and answered me in English. He was funny, outgoing, and smart. But we were the same height, and deep down, that had always bothered me a bit.
I liked the idea of being physically submissive in a relationship, when the timing and mood were both right. I wanted someone to overpower me, who could wrap his entire body around me in a hug but who could also throw me down on the bed and ravish me.
I was too tall for Henry to throw me anywhere. Fuck it, I thought. I took another drink of wine out of my coffee mug and continued. Yes on arms, legs, chest.
But not too much. No hairless balls or egregious manscaping. I can see getting rid of body hair. But I live in a city and I want a masculine-looking man. What woman wants to have sex with a giant-little-boy-man-penis? Every year, there was a delegation from Israel, and invariably they were all cute.
But I also have another, less obvious type: No male-pattern balding in the back. On TV and movies, they tended to play the supersmart, if slightly nebbishy, lawyers and doctors: My astronomy professor in college looked just like Stanley Tucci. He was from the East Coast, had a bit of an accent, and wore glasses. He was wickedly smart, had a dark sense of humor, and was incredibly sexy.
Must not like Cats! Must not be in debt. Must make enough money to be comfortable and should have a sustainable income. But he should have a source of secure income and some kind of bank account. Must not do drugs. The whole process seemed like a waste. Must have an actual career. Career must be important but not all-consuming like mine.
I need him to teach me how to cultivate hobbies and how to not work constantly. Must understand how important my career is and be willing to support me in it. If I have to spend a Sunday working, or if a client needs me at their office for a few days, he must be able to give me space and should not feel threatened.
Too much older than 36 will be a big gap. No crazed ex-girlfriends either. No insane mother or other mother issues. And not fucking currently married! Wants to have two kids with me. I have friends who insist on only going to BYOB restaurants so they can bring their own wine.
But only enough for a picnic or grilling in the backyard. Preferably not big, shedding, slobbery dogs. He should like smaller dogs, like beagles or dachshunds. Likes to watch TV, movies. He should also hate to watch sports. Appreciates my quirks and neuroses. Should be both impressed and entertained that I took a color-coded binder full of spreadsheets to an introductory therapist session.
Challenges and stimulates me. Should have good, long discussions. Has lots of integrity. He should be competitive, but not someone who cheats to win. Lying on a tax return or cheating on a wife is unethical. Has a positive outlook on life. He should be in a good mood most of the time, seeing opportunities rather than obstacles. Likes computers and gadgets, like me.
Interested to learn more. Appreciates the beauty of a well-crafted spreadsheet. If not, is willing to tinker to figure out what the problem is. I have curly hair that constantly gets coiled around drains and plumbing. None of my roommates knew how to take apart a toilet or snake a drain. Really appreciates and understands me. Knows my motivations without explanation. Is genuinely able to crack me up. He should be inherently funny without having to make fun of other people.
Like Jerry Seinfeld, he should make hilarious observations about the present situation. Brilliant, but not professorly. He should be willing to take a day trip to go tour a historic house or hang out at a street festival or try a new restaurant.
Is willing to move, to not be stuck in one place forever. He should be in the process of establishing long-term roots. Loves to really travel. I want to visit Petra, Jordan, and walk through the ancient ruins. I want to bring him to visit my friends in northern Japan. Be from Chicago or willing to fly there often to see my family and to spend time with my mom. Be able to advise me on matters of business and everything else.
As a business owner and as a wife, I need to have a partner in life who can help advise me. He should be right most of the time. Mac person preferred over PC person. Be very good with money. Understand how it works. Make it work for us. Ideally, he should manage his books, and he should know how to make sound investments for the long term. He should also be humble and have the good sense to never talk about money publicly.
Be willing to go out on romantic dates. Plan fun getaways, surprises. Feel compelled to woo me.
“The Dangers of Online Dating” — (7 Statistics & 5 Ways to Protect Yourself)
But in a restrained way. Likes jazz only from the s to the late s. Also acceptable but later: Be an excellent trivia partner. Preferably stuff from Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Heinlein. Also Michael Lewis, Steve Martin.
Either like to dance or be willing to dance with me.
How I Used Algorithms, Data, and Lists To Game Online Dating and Find My Match
Looking like a complete ass while dancing is totally acceptable. Be willing to listen to George Michael and never make fun of me for loving his music.
Endure me singing along to the Listen Without Prejudice album often. People in nearly every major demographic group—old and young, men and women, urbanites and rural dwellers—are more likely to know someone who uses online dating or met a long term partner through online dating than was the case eight years ago. And this is especially true for those at the upper end of the socio-economic spectrum: Negative experiences on online dating sites are relatively common Even as online daters have largely positive opinions of the process, many have had negative experiences using online dating.
Women are much more likely than men to have experienced uncomfortable contact via online dating sites or apps: One in five online daters have asked someone to help them review their profile. Paid dating sites, and sites for people who are seeking partners with specific characteristics are popular with relatively large numbers of online daters: Even today, the vast majority of Americans who are in a marriage, partnership, or other serious relationship say that they met their partner through offline—rather than online—means.
At the same time, the proportion of Americans who say that they met their current partner online has doubled in the last eight years. This question was asked of everyone in a marriage or other long-term partnership, including many whose relationships were initiated well before meeting online was an option. Younger adults are also more likely than older ones to say that their relationship began online.
In addition, people who have used online dating are significantly more likely to say that their relationship began online than are those who have never used online dating. Using the internet to flirt, research potential partners, and check up on old flames have all become much more common in recent years Compared with when we conducted our first study of dating and relationships inmany more Americans are using online tools to check up on people they used to date, and to flirt with potential or current love interests: And while younger adults are also more likely than their elders to look up past flames online, this behavior is still relatively common among older cohorts.